Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Blogger Confession Time

I was diagnosed with dysthymic disorder, a lifetime circle of depression though not always severe, at eighteen years of age. I was not tested before then because, at that time, mental illness was still rather taboo. Along with the birth of my last child came an added diagnosis of anxiety panic disorder. Next, after a couple hospital stays my psychiatrist would also add S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder to my list of mental and physical issues. - (I will elaborate on this in a coming soon post)

As a child and teenager I was always fiddling with papers. Making lists, writing letters, writing and then rewriting notes, articles etc. Journalism was my favorite class (if only the other students didn't have to be in there with me.) I applied for a pre college class because I knew I didn't have what it took to be in college. The teacher laughed at me, believe me, to me it was not amusing at all. She gave me the number for the city college and told me I would have no problem there. I applied, I went, I received B's, although, I only knew the name of my teachers, 5 students and the dean at the end of the first semester. I was nervous and in a constant fight or flight mode the entire semester. I didn't know that was the feeling until many years later. - (Another coming soon post)

Before this starts to get lengthy on other subjects I'll get to the point. For a couple of years I wanted to have a blog, a secret place where I could type out my thoughts and feelings where no one would see them, or so I thought a blog was. My memory wasn't so great (not sure if it was caused from medication, speaking ga ga goo goo for 20 years or what) but in my own little piece of cyber space exacts names, places, ENGLISH didn't matter. I started with giveaways and found out quickly that a blog was so much more. My daughter, being worried about my depression at that time, paid for me to have a public blog and a laptop. I was thrilled as it was something her and I could do together. Eventually she went to work full time, therefore, had less time to do anything bloggy. Looking back, her pretense was to get me doing something, anything, other than dwelling on my issues. The thought never occurred to me until much later. Sneaky? Yes. Am I glad she initiated the beginning of Mom To Grandma... heck yes!

Later, Brandy started to blog with us. Many of the reviews you see are done by her. We have awesome similarities such as having great ideas just never getting them out onto the screen. I'm hoping this may encourage her some also. She has many topics to touch on. One would be, being the mom and grandma of her two year old namesake, Brandy Lynn.

The let down after the holidays is the hardest time of the year for me. I drop everything and retreat. I don't want to do this as it makes January through March seem to drag on forever, like a never ending cold, dark gloom that blankets anything within my sight. So, to help myself keep from retreating so far during this 'preparation for spring' I have made a plan. A humongous part of this plan is to get really involved in our blog, to dive in, tell the stories I've always wanted to, dare myself to let people read what I've written, find out what people want to hear about. This is not just another New Year's resolution, it has nothing to do with New Years at all. It has all to do with connecting with people of like mind, not just mental illness, not just other mothers and grandmothers but to seek out the parts of me that match with readers rather it just be weight loss or my genre of reading, the thrill I get after a great deal. There is so much more to me than reviews and giveaways, although, we will still have them too!

I'd love to hear your thoughts!!

4 comments:

  1. Hi! I'm also a mom to grown kids, not a grandma yet, unfortunately, and I use blogging to keep myself going and busy. I do work at a high school part time as well! I appreciate your honesty about your depression. I haven't been diagnosed, but I think I'm definitely one of the blue ones. December through March is also a really tough time for me! Keep those awesome posts coming and looking forward to coming back and visiting from time to time!

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  2. I get down during January to March too. I'm trying very hard to get out and keep going. I've found that for me I need to get out and keep moving. I manage my depression with exercise (and I hate exercise) but it works.

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  3. There are times where I also just want to hide from the world--I'm essentially an introvert and always have been. Strangely enough I am very good at teaching on a one to one basis--but much too shy in front of a group. Every once in a while my readers might get a glimpse of ME--or maybe figure it out from the miscellaneous posts I feel compelled to write. Reviewing books and giveaways is what I like best. AND I LOVE to research different topics on the internet!

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  4. We are here for you Gladys! Thank you for being brave and sharing part of your story! I'm glad you have this blog to set and keep goals which will keep your mind busy. I agree with Mandie, try exercising, maybe walking your neighborhood so you aren't cooped up inside. Fresh air always makes me feel great!

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