Thursday, July 18, 2013

I let my son move home, with a dog, What was I thinking?

The end of June my mother was taken to the ER by ambulance. For 2 days we waited, cried, prayed as we called home all the grandchildren. She passed, my best friend, she left to be with the angels. This is another post, one I am not yet ready to write.

Somewhere between my neediness and my sons unemployment running out (he would never admit he was hurt beyond words and longed for comfort also) somehow, Mr. Independent ended up back in his own city, at his apartment, packing his belongings while his brother waited in the truck. The same belongings he took so hastily to the city in his rush for manhood are now being thrown in boxes half heartedly. When they arrived I heard them discussing the cost of vacuuming and freshening a truck. Yup, this is when I learned of his 'puppy' an 8 month old English Bull Mastiff! A loveable, huge, muscular 'puppy' he was. I said no, he begged, I said no, he pleaded, I said no and then he played the "mom, I'm going through so much, he is as attached to me as I am him card"! Now I have 1 grown son and 1 English Bull Mastiff living with me AND my Chow/German Shepherd Buddy, in my small apartment (as my eldest lives in my apartment big upstairs.) Just what I never wanted or did I?

I loved every minute of every visit and this should be no different. A couple weeks and he'd have employment and the fence in my enormous backyard would be finished for the dogs. I'd have more support nearby and the family would heal, or so I thought. My brother hurt more by my mother's passing than we realized, taking to himself and his regular job, leaving my fence unfinished for the time being. Buddy does not like 'puppy' business and lets us all know, enough so that they must be separated unless my son is in the room. Puppy's first trip to the veterinarian here and the vet says "he is not English Bull Mastiff. He is close to, if not 100%, American Pit Bull Terrier" the only dog, other than a Doberman Pincher, that I will not own as I am so afraid of them. He also says 'puppy' has a muscular disorder that would render him non adoptable in most cases. There's a big ole tug on my heart strings. We've always owned rescue dogs and being he is still young my first thought was finding him a loving forever home. Did I say Pit Bull Terriers scare me very much?

There is good news on the job front, yay! A factory would be calling him soon. O.k. lets drop all other searches a factory will be calling, not! My son calls them a week later and they return his call with a message. I'm sorry we are not hiring right now as we still have some employees laid off but we always like to give this news in the form of a phone call. So no job, a Pit Bull and why do I, me, have an attitude??? Oh, I don't know, maybe because this emergency visit home is causing us all more stress than we started with! Maybe because you turned into a paperweight in front of the X Box, T.V., computer and oh, lets not forget your friends houses. I love my son, I truly do, with all my heart but this emotional tragedy has not helped me be more compassionate, it has in fact, turned me into a bit of an impatient, crabby, bitter woman. A stage of grief they say. I hope so while all my children still love and want to be around me. More to come...

Do you have plans for your children when they grow up? Are there iron clad rules or because they are your children will they always be welcomed home with open arms (and refrigerator)?


  1. I can't imagine moving back in with my parents, but I hear about people doing that a lot now! So sorry about your mom:(

  2. I have to admit, I am terrified of pits, too! When I was at a party, I saw one literally rip a child's face apart...And he wasn't provoked, and had never bitten before. (Although people were giving the dog beer...I think he was intoxicated.) I hope it all works out for you! As far as my kids...Hmmmm...Well, yes...My door will always be open. BUT...If they are over 18, they are paying rent, doing chores, and living by my rules. Yep. I run a tight ship here. Growing up, I didn't really have rules to speak of, so I am not the strict mom I wish I had! So sorry for your loss, and I hope having family around is a comfort during this difficult time. <3

  3. what an amazing post. I am a mom of 3 kids. My oldest died Christmas eve 2010.... which brings me to have VERY mixed emotions about iron clad rules.... My daughter (middle child) is my best friend... my assistant at work... recently moved right up the street... very responsible.
    my youngest (a senior in highschool has begged for a dog for over a year. he is in school on a baseball scholarship and has NO time... he tries to pull the 'I'm going through so much card'.... he is home for his last summer. (as a student). I really do not know. I think each situation is so unique...
    He overstepped his 'welcome' boundaries while he was home for holiday break last year and I snapped. I packed his things and had them sitting on the porch. It was agonizing. He didnt speak to me for months. I held my ground and prayed day in and day out to be strong. I missed him terribly.
    He has been much better while home this summer.

    thanks for sharing your story!!!