Friday, August 23, 2013

Losing my Mother, The First Step

My Dear Mother ...

My phone rang at 11:09, the caller ID said ALARM as it had once before. The last time I received a call like this it had been my mother's alarm system telling me they had sent an ambulance to her home. This time I received the same message. My mother has been taken to the hospital and stayed anywhere from 2 nights to 20 nights over fifty times from the age of 39 until this time. She was always treated and sent home. This time would surely be the same, right? I mean every time it was the same. Mostly bronchitis or asthma, later on minor heart problems.

As I arrived at the Emergency Dept. the receptionist asked me to wait a minute, then she called someone. I was thinking wth? I'm not strange, oh maybe they are on lock down or something. A stern looking nurse came and I told her "I am just here to visit with my mother". "Please come with me" the nurse said so I told her "I know how to get there. Mam, where are you taking me"? "To your family" she replied. I felt a swift punch in the gut as I said "I don't want to see them I want to see my mother!" all of a sudden I had this awful feeling of impending doom, sweaty, shaky, confused about the sights around me. I wanted to run, I wanted out of there, I wanted this to be a mistake. As I got to the room my father, my brothers and sister were all there. In an elevated voice I remember saying "why in the heck are you all in here and no one is in with mom?!? You all know she hates being in there alone.

I'm sorry this is all I can type for now. I will return with the remainder.


  1. Im so sorry that you are going through this. My heart broke for you when you told me in an email that your mother had passed away. I cant even imagine that kind of loss but I pray that you will find strength and comfort in this time.