Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Daughter of a Woman with Depression

My mother has had bouts of depression her entire life. The older she turned the worse it became and the more intense her struggles with the arms of depression were, such as: Thoughts of suicide, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia, SAD, Anxiety and so on. It became so disabling that her life has turned into sleeping, eating and helping me blog. It all became worse when my grandma, her mother, passed this last summer. Pathetic some say but the reality is that depression can be every bit as crippling as any other disease, worse than some.

Now in 2013 there is still a stigma about mental health, no matter how unfair. Sometimes I wish it could just go away, for her, for me, for my children. It is hard to explain "hey, my mom is having a terribly sad day today and I need to go be with her instead of meeting up with you all later. Sometimes I want to be selfish and un-compassionate but I usually give in. So often I want to be the child again and not the caretaker.

Understanding this beast called depression is a very hard feat. I get sad, upset and down right angry. How my mother could be a wonderful loving mother one day and miss my child's birthday (for fear of going outside) the next is far beyond my comprehension. I'd like a normal family but then what is normal? Who is normal? All I know for sure is she doesn't want this to be her normal and another treatment she tries...

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